


you'll always be by my side

by iamalystark



Series: broken chains [2]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Aaron Hotchner Acting as Spencer Reid's Parental Figure, Aaron Hotchner is Spencer Reid's Parent, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, BAMF Penelope Garcia, Caring Derek Morgan, Derek Morgan Needs a Hug, Emily Prentiss Needs a Hug, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Happy Ending, Flashbacks, Gen, Hurt Spencer Reid, Hurt/Comfort, Jennifer "JJ" Jareau & Spencer Reid Friendship, Kidnapped Spencer Reid, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Parent David Rossi, Parent Emily Prentiss, Parent Jennifer "JJ" Jareau, Protective Aaron Hotchner, Protective David Rossi, Protective Derek Morgan, Protective Emily Prentiss, Protective Jennifer "JJ" Jareau, Sad Jennifer "JJ" Jareau, Sad Penelope Garcia, Spencer Reid Angst, Spencer Reid Gets a Hug, Spencer Reid Needs a Hug, Spencer Reid Whump, Spencer Reid is a Mess, Worried Aaron Hotchner, Worried Derek Morgan
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-09
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-15 14:21:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29315487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iamalystark/pseuds/iamalystark
Summary: "JJ, who is that?" Morgan whispered urgently, his hand on her arm.She didn't have the heart to jerk away. "Oh my God," she whispered, tears streaking down her face. "He's really alive? Spencer's alive?"(Or, four years after Spencer went missing, three years after he was presumed dead, they find him.)
Relationships: Aaron Hotchner & Spencer Reid, Derek Morgan & Spencer Reid, Emily Prentiss & Spencer Reid, Henry LaMontagne & Spencer Reid, Jennifer "JJ" Jareau & Spencer Reid, Jennifer "JJ" Jareau/William LaMontagne Jr., Penelope Garcia & Spencer Reid, Spencer Reid & David Rossi
Series: broken chains [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2153271
Comments: 99
Kudos: 259





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> you guys all asked so here's a whole story😌
> 
> also!! this takes place sometime between season 10 & 11 seeing as jj is pregnant with michael

_"Sorry I'm late."_

_JJ glanced over at his voice, mustering a smile. He gave her the same look right back. They both knew they'd have to talk later, really talk, but right then, that smile was all she needed._

_"And this is why I cook alone." Rossi's teasing voice drew her attention from her friend, making her smile widen._

_"So, uh, when do we get to drink the wine?" Emily asked, getting a small giggle out of her, and JJ glanced over at Spencer to see his reaction, but she was surprised to see that he wasn't there._

_Her smile dropped. "Spence?"_

_The others continued chatting, and even picked up their glasses for a toast, but JJ ignored them, turning around slowly. "Spencer?" She called, frowning._

_"What's that, Jayje?" Emily asked, finally noticing her discontent._

_"I--Where's Spence? He was just here."_

_"Who?"_

_JJ's eyes flicked to Derek as she blinked rapidly, scoffing. "Who--Derek,_ Spencer _. Quit messing around."_

_"JJ, nobody named Spencer has ever been here," Hotch said slowly, a small frown on his face. JJ scoffed, her mouth falling open as she looked between them all._

_"Is this--What is this? This isn't funny," she snapped, looking around desperately for him. Oh God, she missed him. How could they forget about him?_

_"How could you forget about him? He was just here! He was just here!" She cried, her vision blurring._

"JJ!"

_"He was just here! Please. . ."_

"Jennifer!"

JJ jerked awake, her snapping open as she sucked in a sharp breath. "Hey, you're alright, sweetheart," Will soothed, running his hand up and down her arm as she sat up. Squeezing her eyes shut, the blonde pulled away from his touch, throwing her legs over the side of the bed and dropping her face into her hands. 

Her fast-paced heart rate was beginning to slow now that her body knew it was only a nightmare, but her thoughts were still racing. 

It wasn't just a nightmare, though, was it? Spencer really was gone. 

God, it had been so long. . .

"You wanna talk about it?"

Sniffing, she shook her head, pressing her palms into her eyes to stop her tears. That night had been one of the happiest of her life. Reid had finally forgiven her, and then a few months later. . .

"Come on, Jayje. You can't just shut me out like that," Will sighed, turning on the light. 

JJ dropped her hands into her lap as she gritted her teeth. "I'm not--I _can't_ right now, okay?"

"When can you, Jennifer?" Her husband replied, his voice short.

"Not right now!" She hissed, her voice breaking, and she felt Will shifting, heard him getting up and coming around the bed. 

"Look, Jen, I know you cared about Spencer. I did too. But--"

"You did _not_ care about him like I did," JJ snapped finally looking up. "He was my best friend, Will. He-He-"

"I'm not downplaying your grief, love. I'm just trying to say that I'm here for you. You know I'm here for you, so's your team."

Nodding, JJ softened, leaning her head against his shoulder. 

"I miss him so much, Will. I don't--Will Henry even remember him when he grows up? He never asks about him anymore."

Will sighed heavily, wrapping his arm loosely around her back. "He doesn't ask you about him because he knows how much it hurts you, babe," he whispered.

She looked to him at that, frowning. "He asks you?"

"Nearly every day. He's practicing his magic for when Uncle Spence comes home."

JJ didn't even try to stop the droplets from leaving her eyes. "Four years. Four years, Will."

He just held her for a few minutes, the only sound in the room being their breathing. "I've tried to give you space, JJ, but you know we need to talk about this," he told her, brushing her hair out of her face.

"What is there to talk about? Spence is gone. That's it. There's literally nothing else," she snapped, begining to tense. 

"Calm down, Jennifer. Stress isn't good for the b--"

JJ pulled away as if she'd been slapped, standing quicker than lightning. "Stress isn't good for the baby? _Calm down?_ You're kidding me, right?"

"Jayje, come on, you know that's not what I meant," he said as he stood, his eyes flitting to her swollen stomach. 

"Am I just supposed to move on? Am I supposed to just accept it and get over it?"

"Jennifer, that is _not_ \--!"

"Mommy? Daddy?"

The pair fell silent, turning their gazes to the doorway, where Henry stood, rubbing his eyes. "Hey, Hen, what's up?" JJ asked softly.

"You were yellin'. And Uncle Aaron called," Henry said, holding out the phone in his hands. 

JJ gave him a kiss on the forehead and took it from him, shooting one more warning glance to Will before she stepped out of the room. 

"Hey, Hotch," she sighed.

" _Is everything alright?_ "

"Fine. We got a case?" 

" _You don't have to come in if--_ "

"Hotch, please." There was a pause, and then he sighed. 

" _It's a local case. Four dead,"_ he told her, his voice heavy like it always was. 

"Alright, I'll be in soon." She was about to hang up, but Hotch sucked in a small breath. 

" _We're here for you, you know?"_

Closing her eyes, JJ nodded. "I know, Hotch."

* * *

Exiting the elevator on the sixth floor, JJ was pleasantly surprised to run into Emily. "Oh! Hey, you know what the case is?" The brunette asked as they walked together toward the bullpen, but she shook her head, her hand unconsciously coming to rest on her stomach. 

"I only know it's local. Hotch call you too?"

"Nah, Morgan texted," she shook her head, "you know, it would be so much easier if we had, like, a groupchat or something. Hotch could just tell us all at once."

JJ mustered a grin as they caught sight of Morgan. "Careful, there. Don't let Garcia hear you," she teased half-heartedly, but her friends didn't comment on it. 

If anything, it was normal for all of them. 

"Don't let Garcia hear what?" Asked the woman herself as she snuck up on them, case files in hand. 

"Absolutely nothing, beautiful," Derek grinned, making her pout. 

"Guys," they all glanced up to see Hotch heading for the conference room, and they started after him. 

Right before they got there, JJ's phone began ringing, and she slowed to a stop, shooting Hotch an apologetic look as she pulled it out. 

It was an unfamiliar number. "Hello?"

" _Hello, is this Agent Jennifer Jareau?"_ A female voice asked from the other end. JJ's brows pulled together, a confused look on her face. 

"That's me. Who is this?" She replied, shifting. 

" _My name is Dr. Alex Wilson with Stafford Hospital. We found your card in an Agent Spencer Reid's wallet."_

It felt like all the air had suddenly been sucked from the room, her eyes widening and her mouth falling open. She wanted to throw up at the prospect that they'd found him. It made her _sick_ with devastation, and her hands began to shake. 

"You found him?" She whispered, ignoring her teammates' stares. They were all watching her, frowning. At her words, something in their faces changed. 

" _That's right. Your agent showed up in the ER a few hours ago and he's in surgery now. Are you one of his emerge--"_

"Wait," she cut the woman off, her face deathly pale. "He's alive?"

" _Oh, yes. I'm so sorry if it seemed like I was saying otherwise. Agent Reid is likely to make a full recovery."_

Tears welled in JJ's eyes, her fingers curled so tightly around her phone that she was surprised it hadn't cracked. 

"JJ, who is that?" Morgan whispered urgently, his hand on her arm. 

She didn't have the heart to jerk away. "Oh my God," she whispered, tears streaking down her face. "He's really alive? Spencer's alive?" JJ asked desperately, her voice wobbling, and she could pinpoint the exact second her words processed. 

Reid was alive. He'd been alive the whole time.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here u guys go i finished this when i was supposed to be doing my alg 2✌️

He looked small. 

That was JJ's first thought when she saw him. Reid lied, deathly still in a hospital bed, with wires and tubes surrounding him. He wore a too large hospital gown that was glaringly obvious, his bones jutting out against his bruised skin, and he'd clearly been beaten, covered in injuries. He looked nothing like the 6'1" she knew he was.

But it was the most beautiful sight JJ had ever laid her eyes on. She stood in the doorway, just staring at him, and her knees went weak, tears rolling down her face before she could even think to stop them.

" _Spence_ ," she whispered, and she would have likely fallen to her knees if it weren't for Morgan wrapping a supportive arm around her back and leading her to a chair beside his bed. 

JJ collapsed into it, and she knew Derek had walked around to sit on his other side, but to be frank, she didn't care about him at all in that instant. Leaning forward, she gently brushed her fingers over Spencer's arm, feeling his bruise littered skin, and she almost started sobbing. He was _there_. 

He was _really_ there. Next, her hands went to his tangled hair. It was to his shoulders, a length he'd never let it get to on his own. A heavy ache settled over her at the thought of how different he looked now, how different he'd likely be. Four years. . .

With one hand still tangled in his hair, she stood up on shaky legs and pressed a kiss to his forehead, and she had to freeze there to keep from sobbing."Oh God," she whispered as a tear landed on her best friend's face. She wiped it away as quickly as she could, and then she fell back in the chair, grabbing his limp hand with both of hers. 

"It doesn't--It doesn't feel real," Morgan said quietly a few minutes later, his voice shaking. 

"But it is. He's real," JJ looked to Morgan, her tears still steadily falling, "He's alive. Derek, _he's alive."_

Morgan's own tears finally fell, but he was quick to wipe them away with his free hand, clenching his jaw.

JJ's eyes slowly went back to Spencer's unmoving form, and she had to bite her tongue to stifle the full body sob that tried to escape. 

"Oh, Spence," she murmured, leaning forward to rest her forehead against their intertwined hands. It was only then, once her face was covered that she let her silent sobs escape, he shoulders shaking as she cried. 

She didn't have to look up to know Morgan was crying too. Footsteps sounded outside the room, but she didn't bother to glance their way. She knew who it was.

"Oh my God," came Garcia's voice, and then she could hear Emily's gasp, Hotch's sharp intake of breath. Rossi cleared his throat after a moment, it very clear to all of them that he was close to crying. 

They were all crying, and it was clear that there were so many unsaid words on all their minds, but they wouldn't say them while they weren't alone. They wouldn't say them while their teammates could hear, despite how much they knew they cared. 

But even hesitant as she was to be so vulnerable in front of anyone, JJ took a deep breath and she lifted her head from where it rested on their hands. She stared at his unopened eyes, his bruise and cut littered face, his rising and falling chest, and her tears began to fall anew. 

For years, she'd been convinced he was dead. They all had been. For years, she'd been operating on the assumption that they were just trying to find a body at this point, and for years, they'd _known_ they never would.

They'd been so sure he was gone, so hopeful he wasn't suffering while they did nothing. And it was selfish of her, it was incredibly selfish, but JJ had always, on some scale, been hoping for him to be alive. She'd dreamed of him coming back, of Henry getting to see his Godfather again.

It was then that she realized she hadn't called Will or Henry, and a sharp gasp left her as she suddenly scrambled for her phone, drawing the attention of her teammates.

Her left hand stayed clasped in Spencer's, but she quickly found her husband's contact and was about to click on it when Hotch put his hand on her arm.

JJ looked up, her chest still rising and falling unsteadily, small half-sobs escaping her. Hotch was frowning deeply, his eyes red but no tears falling yet, and he looked to be the only one holding it together. 

Emily and Penelope both stood at the foot of Reid's bed, tears streaking down their faces, and Rossi was by the door, staring at Spencer with an indecipherable look on his face.

"Let me," Hotch said softly, as if peering into her mind to see that she couldn't handle it. JJ could only nod, handing him the phone, and she watched as he stepped outside the room. He didn't go outside of their sight, he didn't move far enough away that he couldn't see Spencer. 

"Did the doctors say how he got here?" Rossi finally spoke, his voice thick with tears. 

JJ swallowed. "U-Um, Dr. Wilson said he showed up in the ER. That means he was alone. He likely got here by himself," she whispered, knowing her voice would break if she spoke louder. 

"He's been in the city the whole time?" Morgan asked, his voice high. 

The thought that he'd been so close made a fresh wave of tears fall from JJ's eyes. She looked to a yellowing bruise on the side of her best friend's face, thought of how he got it while he'd been so close to her, while she'd been at home with her family or working on a case, and she cried. Dropping her head back onto her hands, she felt his bony fingers, she felt the way he didn't move like she was so used to him constantly doing. 

"I'm so sorry, Spence. I'm so sorry," she murmured, her voice so soft she almost didn't hear herself. 

For a while, she just sat there listening to his shallow breaths and the quiet sounds of her team crying softly.When Hotch came back in the room to subtly slip her phone back in her pocket, she merely gave him a thankful look and lied her head back next to Reid's leg. 

"Do we know what his injuries are?" Hotch asked finally, his voice loud against the quietness of the room.

"His chart's there," Emily pointed out, sniffing. 

"Oh my sweet baby," Garcia whispered, standing next to Derek as she looked at Reid. 

JJ filtered out their voices as they began to talk about his condition. Looking at him now, she didn't know if she'd be able to handle it. 

She only watched him, imagined all the things he might've gone through, and she _ached_. 

And then he woke up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im sorry abt the cliffhanger 😭


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know how frequent updates will be because I'm actually being a responsible person and starting to work on school, and my mental health is total garbage, but I'll definitely try to update as soon as possible!! I'm kinda in love with this story lol

_"I've got a gift for you, Spencer!"_

"--looks like--had a--ab wound on his st--"

 _"How long do you think it'll take for you to bleed out?_ "

"His ribs--to be reset--broken multip--times--"

" _You know to the second, don't you? You know exactly how long you have left."_

"Can't--lieve--been so close. I--so--uilty--"

" _It's a shame, really, letting you go. You're just so. . . you. Anyways, here's this! They'll have to identify you somehow, right?"_

A phantom touch on Spencer's face had him flinching, his face scrunching up in distress, and he tried to will himself back to sleep. Every time he woke up, he tried his hardest to lose just a little more time, to feel safe for just a few more minutes, but really, it never worked.

Soft voices around him had his brows pulling together in confusion. Voices? More than one?

And then he remembered. He remembered the pain, the way he had tried so hard to hold his hands against the wound on his stomach as he stumbled through the hospital doors. He remembered seeing somebody besides him for the first time in years, and he remembered darkness.

For a moment, he thought the hands on him were just memories of him, but then he realized how real they were, how gentle, and soft compared to the cold, unflinching contrast of his captor. 

People were holding his hands. People were talking. People were _here_. 

"I just. . . I never thought. . . Oh God. . ." A soft voice cried, and when Reid realized who it was, he nearly started shaking. 

_JJ_.

Finally gathering the strength he needed, the genius forced his eyes to open, sucking in a shaky breath as he blinked rapidly. They were really there. JJ was crying on his right side, Morgan on his left, and the rest of the team was scattered around the room.

The team. His family. "Oh my God," Emily's voice cut through their quiet voices, and Spencer met her tear filled eyes. It was then that the rest of them looked to him too. 

"Spence?" JJ's voice shook, making tears prick at his eyes. 

"J-Jayje?"

Her hand pulled out of his, and she looked liked she was going to hug him, but she hesitated, hovering over him unsurely as her cheeks continued to be streaked with tears. 

"Reid. Kid," Morgan whispered, his eyes wide as he pulled his hand away too. (A pang of hurt flew through him as he wondered why they didn't want to touch him, but he brushed it away quickly.)

Spencer mustered a shaky smile, feeling his tears roll down the sides of his face. "M-Morgan. JJ. Gu-Guys," he rasped, coughing slightly but ignoring it in favor of looking to them. 

They all looked like they'd been crying, and a few of them still were. "Reid."

He looked to Hotch, saw how he was desperately trying to keep his tears from falling. Spencer smiled. "I know," he whispered, still not quite sure this was real. 

For so long, (1,483 days) he'd wanted this. He'd dreamed of it so vividly, he'd thought up all the things he wanted to say to them that he never had, but none of that could compare to this. None of that could compare to _really_ seeing his family again, being able to touch them and talk to them. 

"S-Spence, can I hug you?" JJ asked, her quiet voice breaking, and he didn't even have to think of his answer before he nodded.

As familiar arms wrapped around him gently, tears once again began to run down his face, and he brought up his own thin arms, sniffling. "I missed you so much," he mumbled into her shoulder, and he could feel her shaking. 

The feeling of being touched like this instead of violently and teasingly was strange and it made his skin crawl, but the urge to be close to one of his best friends was stronger than that, and he closed his eyes tightly, ignoring how he was trembling. 

"I missed you too. Oh God, Spence, we missed you," she cried into his hair, and he _ached_ because he knew that, he'd known _exactly_ how much they all missed him since day one. 

When she finally pulled back, wiping at her puffy eyes, Garcia and Emily were next in line to hug him, both being just as gentle as JJ. Then It was Morgan, who stayed bent over him for a little longer than the others to hide his tears in Reid's shoulder. 

"Love you, Kid," Morgan mumbled into his ear right before he pulled back, and then to his surprise, Hotch gave him a look that was silently asking to hug him too.

It was short, but it was tight and it felt like what he remembered his father's hugs to be before he'd left. Rossi didn't hug him, but he gave his shoulder a soft squeeze and shot him a caring look.

"Where-Where _were_ you?" Garcia asked suddenly, her voice desperate, and he couldn't help the flinch at the volume, clearing his throat. 

"Garcia," Hotch shook his head. "Not now."

"No, it's. . ." Spencer trailed off. He let his gaze travel over all of them, trying to ignore that they could all see his heart rate quickening on the EKG machine. "I don't know," he whispered finally. "I don't know where I was."

He watched as their faces changed, filled with shock and confusion and what he _knew_ was disappointed. The one thing he was good for was his memory, and he had no idea where he'd been held?

"What do you mean, Reid? You don't remember?" Rossi questioned, his brows furrowing, and he had to hold back another flinch. 

"No, no, I," he clenched his hands into fists and unclenched them, repeating the process a few times. "I remember e-everything. I. . ." His eyes went unfocused for a moment, staring at his lap, before he winced, looking up and meeting Hotch's eyes. 

"It-It was a basement. I think. There were stairs, and-and-" the whole room was an image that could never leave his mind, and thinking back on it was making his hands shake. 

"I-"

"Reid, you don't have to do this right now," Morgan said softly, and when he met his friend's eyes, he saw tears shining in his eyes. 

Reid sniffed, hating how his own eyes welled up again. " _No_ , no, it's okay. I should- I should tell you guys now. It's fresh in my mind," he said, but his voice came out as a whisper. 

"Spencer," Emily murmured, her eyes pained, and he tried to steady his very obviously unsteady breaths. 

At that, the dam finally broke. His face crumpled, no matter how hard he tried to stop it, and a heavy sob left him. "Oh, _Spence_. . ."

Sucking in a wheezing breath, he looked desperately to JJ, and she was pulling him tightly against her chest without hesitation. Most people in his situation would be averse to touch, they'd flinch back, get flashbacks everytime someone so much breathed in their direction, but if Spencer Reid was anything, he was unique. 

He hugged at his best friend with loud, heartbreaking sobs, and he knew he looked pathetic, he knew he was being _stupid_ , but God had he missed her, missed _all_ of them. 

"I know I shouldn't b-be cr-crying so much, but I just-- Oh God, JJ, I missed you. I miss you, I'm sorry," his words began to blend into each other, his eyes falling shut as his tears wetted her shoulder. 

He could feel the uncertainty in the air as he cried, the way the team hovered awkwardly, unsure of whether to stay or give him privacy, but thankfully, his fit didn't last too long, and when the position he'd put himself in, twisted in the bed to hug JJ, got uncomfortable to the point of pain, Reid pulled away and wiped at his face. 

"I'm sorry," he whispered, watching JJ sit back down out of the corner of his eye. "I don't- I don't wanna be like this. I just _am_."

"Pretty boy."

Reid's head snapped up, his eyes wide as he heard that nickname. It made him wipe at his eyes again. "Reid," Morgan grabbed his hand, and the genius stated at it, pursing his lips to keep them from trembling. "You could have come back with an extra limb, speaking only French, and I'd still be happy to see you. Hell, I'd personally sew you some three-armed shirts and sign up for some courses."

Derek looked into his eyes, and Spencer's vision blurred, tears rolling slowly down his cheeks. 

"That's not possible at all. The nerves and muscles wouldn't have anywhere to connect, and the other arm would die quickly and spread infection into my blood stream. Extra limbs just aren't possible," he said softly, looking away, and then he bit his lip because he wasn't supposed to ramble--

A loud laugh broke him out of his stupor, and when he looked back up, he saw that his team were all smiling at him. 

_Oh_.

Spencer managed a shaky smile back. "Seeing you guys in person after so long. . . I've missed you all," he said, despite having said it twice already. 

When their smiles suddenly froze, turned jagged, he knew he'd made a mistake. 

"Spence? What do you mean, _in person_?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> spence is awaaaake, but what did he mean??🤔


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let me just say, from the bottom of my heart, im sorry
> 
> also happy valentines day!!

**_FOUR MONTHS AGO_ **

Spencer woke up to laughing. Well, the more correct term would be "jerked awake," but he'd stopped classifying that as abnormal a long, long time ago. 

Blinking sluggishly, his eyes struggled to stay open, exhaustion drilled into his very bones, but he kept them open anyway. Heavy footsteps sounded on the wooden steps to his left, laughter ringing through the room. 

Pulling himself up on shaky arms, Reid positioned himself with his back to the wall, wincing at the pull against his wrist. Handcuffs were securely wrapped around them, just a little too tightly, and he didn't think he could remember a time they weren't there. 

(Logically, he knew exactly the day they'd been clasped on, while he was unconscious in the back of a truck with tinted windows, but it didn't _feel_ like it was only four years ago. Only? It felt like a lifetime and no time at all at once.)

"Spencer!" 

The genius' head snapped up, his eyes wide as the man he'd become very much aquatinted with came strolling towards him, his phone in one hand and a knife in the other. 

Sucking in a sharp breath, Reid squeezed his eyes shut just as the screen was shoved in front of his face. The laughing halted. "Spencer," the man breathed into his ear, voice low, "if you don't open your eyes, right fucking now, I'm going to slit your throat and send your friends a picture. Got it?"

In an instant, he was blinking them open again, tears rushing to his eyes as he looked to the knife held firmly to his throat, and then to the man holding it. He found familiar light blue eyes and dark hair, and he hated how normal he looked. "Look, look! It's your friends!"

"Please," Spencer whispered, not wanting to do this again. He didn't want to watch it. 

" _Spencer_ , look," the man demanded, getting impatient, so he finally did, only managing to muster a weak glare. It was a frozen image of two of his teammates. Derek and JJ.

"Please, I can't-"

Putting the phone down on the ground, the man suddenly pressed the knife against his neck, breaking the skin. A drop of blood rolled down the ashen skin, and Reid's lips trembled. 

"I will even be nice and hit play for you. Watch the video," he growled, and then, keeping the knife at his throat, the man picked the phone back up, pressing play with a grin on his face. 

"This one's kinda bittersweet! I know the others have just been all blah blah blah, ' _I'm so sad,'_ but this one has good news!" The man shifted, clearing his throat as it showed JJ and Morgan standing outside quantico. 

"See, I didn't think I'd be getting anything interesting today, so this was totally unexpected. But _God_ , it's dramatic. You'll love it, trust me," he whispered, his voice giddy and excited. 

Disgust rolled off of Reid in waves. The hand holding the phone had obviously been unsteady as the video trembled a bit, but he could clearly see his teammates, and when tears rushed to his eyes again, he let them fall. 

_"Is it. . . Is it Reid?"_ Morgan asked in the video, his hand on JJ's back, and Spencer wished so badly he could be there to hug them. God, he wanted to hug them. 

" _I-I can't go in there today, Derek_ ," JJ said, her voice breaking, and a broken sob left Reid's lips. " _I can't walk past his desk with all his things and--"_

JJ turned a bit so she was facing Derek, giving Spencer the perfect view of the tears running down her face. 

" _Morgan. Morgan, I'm pregnant_ ," she told him, sounding absolutely heartbroken. 

Reid nearly choked on the breath he sucked in, looking to the man for confirmation, who nodded excitedly, and he looked back. 

" _JJ, that's amazing! How far along?_ " Derek returned, and she mumbled something the phone couldn't pick up, and then looked to the ground. 

" _My first thought was Godparents, Derek. My first thought was Godparents and of course I thought Spence, but--Oh God. He's--He was Henry's Godfather, so it just--it just came to my mind, but he's never gonna get to see it,"_ she started sobbing. " _He's never gonna meet them. My baby's never gonna know Spence, and Henry doesn't ask about him anymore--"_

She stopped talking as Morgan abruptly pulled her against his chest, and Reid finally slammed his eyes closed, weeping. The noise cut out, signaling the end of the video. 

"If you ever touch that baby, I swear--" Reid cried as he glared up through blurring eyes, but he got cut off by the man dragging the blade lightly across his neck, blood dripping from the stinging cut. 

"What will you do, Spencer? Will you cry at me a little harder? Glare a little more?" He taunted, smiling to show his full set of perfect teeth. 

"I'll fucking kill you," the doctor spat, baring his teeth. 

The phone dropped to the ground, the man's smile fading. "Spencer, Spencer, Spencer. If you were going to kill me, you'd have done it four years ago. Or, sorry, how many days?"

Spencer tilted his head up, his jaw clenched, and kept his mouth closed. His nostrils flaring, the man pulled the knife away from his neck, and then with an urgency Reid had seen many times before, he slammed it into his right thigh to the hilt. 

A strangled scream escaped him as he jerked, his hands reaching for the now flaming wound, but the man grabbed the cuffs, yanking his hands back. "Now, Spencie, I can be very nice and take the blade out, sew it up, and even knock you out so you don't feel it! Or, I can leave you here until you're writhing in pain and seconds from bleeding out."

Reid sucked in a shaky breath, tears steadily rolling down his face, and he met his captor's eyes. "1,362 days. It hasn't been four years yet," he spat, breathing heavily through the pain and the anger. 

"That's right! I mean, that's probably right! I can never remember to the day but I'm sure if I googled it, you'd be right." The man smiled at him. "Who do you think is going to be the Godfather instead?"

Reid didn't have the chance to respond, as something hit the side of his head and everything went dark. 

Later, he woke with a dull pain in his leg, the limb wrapped in a thick bandage, and he cried.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for how angsty this one is lol, wrote it after crying for like 2 hours-

When JJ woke up, it was to a hand coming to rest on her arm, and despite her best efforts, she flinched. Her eyes snapped up, and at finding Emily, she relaxed, sitting up from where she'd been asleep with her head in her arms by Reid's legs. 

"Why don't you head home? Just for a few hours?" The darker haired woman suggested quietly, but from the look on her face, they both knew JJ wasn't going to be leaving anytime soon. 

She didn't bother to respond, turning away from Prentiss to observe Spencer's unconscious form. After she'd asked him what he meant by " _in person_ ," he'd had a full-blown flashback, thrashing and crying out, forcing the doctors to sedate him so he didn't tear his stitches. For a while afterwards, the team had been shaken up (they still were, but none of them would admit to it out loud), but they'd eventually managed to collect themselves and begin talking within each other to figure out what Reid had meant. 

It wasn't until Penelope suggested that the unsub had taken pictures and/or videos of them that they were satisfied with an answer. At that, Hotch had left the room to make sure their families were safe, because if they had been watched, their families likely had too. And really, it had only terrified JJ more. The person that had taken her best friend from her, that had beaten him and turned him into _this was_ still out there, and he'd been watching her _son_. 

"Hey."

JJ glanced up to see Emily's concerned face, her brows drawn together in worry. It was then that she realized she was crying, her cheeks shining with tears. Sniffling softly, JJ wiped them away, sucking in an unsteady breath.

"What do you--What all do you think happened to him?" She asked quietly, glancing to Derek's sleeping form in the chair he hadn't left since he'd sat down. 

They were the only three that had stayed the night, but Hotch, Garcia, and Rossi were both going to come back in the morning. Hotch had taken the liberty to give them all some time off, and JJ was thankful for it because she didn't know if she'd be able to leave the hospital room without panicking. 

After so long of him not being there, she wasn't going to leave his side. 

"His ribs have been broken repeatedly. There's scar tissue on his arms and legs from multiple small stab wounds, not to mention the recent one on his stomach, and his torso is covered in burn scars and lacerations. The bruises--"

JJ cut her off, grimacing. "I don't want to hear that. I can't hear that. I mean, what do you think _happened_ to him?" 

Emily was silent for a while, both of them just watching him breathe. His chest rose, and it fell. It kept on going, moving, when they'd all thought it had been still for years. "I think, Jayje. . . I think he broke him," she whispered. 

As she kept watching him, kept crying silently, she thought back to how he'd looked at her that split second before he'd started thrashing. She trembled. 

Instead of arguing, instead of trying to convince both herself and Emily that she was wrong, that Spencer was too strong for that, she ran her hand through her tangled hair and she sobbed silently. "How long do you think he was waiting for a rescue that never came?" She asked.

Emily didn't have an answer for that.

* * *

Spencer woke up like he normally did, his eyes snapping open in fear as he jerked against his restraints. Or, lack thereof. 

As he blinked rapidly at the ceiling, his quickening heart rate slowing, memories of seeing the team again filtered through his mind. And then nothing. They'd been talking, he made a mistake by telling them he'd seen them, and then it went blank. 

"Hey, Pretty boy," Morgan spoke softly, making him jump slightly, looking to his left. 

Derek still sat in the same chair as before, blinking away the sleep in his eyes. For a moment, he wondered why the other man was speaking so softly, but he quickly figured it out. JJ and Emily, who had pulled up another chair next to the blonde, were asleep, leaning against each other. 

"Hi," Reid whispered, finally looking back to his friend. 

They just looked at each other for a few moments, and just as Spencer's skin was beginning to crawl from the silence, Morgan finally spoke up again. "We missed you, kid. I missed you."

His brows pulling together in sadness, Reid dropped his gaze to his hands, which were fiddling with the thin hospital blanket covering his lower half. "I missed you too," he whispered, not mentioning the thing that was making tension build between them. If he said anything about seeing them again, Spencer really didn't think he'd be able to stay in the present. 

Which was stupid, if you asked him. He'd been tortured and beaten but _pictures and videos_ were what triggered him? "What's on your mind, Reid?" Derek asked, once again drawing him from his thoughts. 

"Did you know that sixty percent of men experience a trauma in their lives?" Spencer deflected, clenching his hands into fists then unclenching them. "Out of that, only four percent get Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Flashbacks are one of the more severe symptoms, while--"

"Kid."

Reid cut himself off the second he was interrupted, wide eyes snapping to Morgan, who frowned for a split-second at his reaction, before pushing past it. "Kid, if you're trying to tell me you have PTSD, I know. We didn't expect you to come back from this with no repercussions." Morgan sighed heavily, running his hand down his face. There was clearly something else he wanted to say, but he held back. 

"What is it?" Reid asked unsurely. 

"Pretty boy. . ."

"I'm not going to break if you talk to me like a normal person," he snapped, anger surging through him and disappearing just as quick as it came. His eyes widened at the surprised look on his friend's face, and the genius unconsciously shrunk back, avoiding his gaze.

Morgan swallowed audibly. "I know you're not going to break, kid. I'm more so just trying to keep myself from breaking down in front of you," he admitted, his voice so unbelievably vulnerable. Spencer had never heard him like that before, and it was enough to make him look up again. 

The older man's brows were drawn close together, his lips pursed and his eyes filled with worry. He looked exhausted. He'd seen firsthand how his team had grieved him, and he'd seen all of them cry for him at least once, but this? 

This was different. This was here, and it was _real_. "I'm-I'm sorry. I didn't think. . ." He trailed off, trying to picture the last time he'd seen him. 

His captor had brought an actual, physical picture to show him three days before he let him go. Letting him go wasn't really an accurate description, though, was it? As the doctor's hands slowly traveled to his stomach, his fingers brushing against the indentation of the bandages wrapped around his torso, Derek spoke up again.

"Reid. _Spencer_ , we didn't expect you to come back at all."

His voice broke, something that made Reid's face crumple. When he met the other man's eyes, they were both crying. "God, I know it's nothing compared to what you went through, but I have never felt a hurt like that before, Reid. Losing you just about killed me," Morgan whispered, his voice wobbling. Once he finished speaking, he clamped his mouth shut, his throat flexing in what was most likely an attempt to keep from sobbing. 

"Y-You didn't lose me," Spencer whispered back, and after a moment's contemplation, he brought his hand over to rest on Morgan's. 

Derek looked him in the eyes one more time, then shifted so he was loosely holding the hand. They both fell asleep like that, and they were in no way healed, but they knew when they woke up that they'd see each other again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i needed me a derek & spence moment


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it took me so longggg ive been in a not very good mindset :( but here you guys go!!

**_FOUR YEARS AGO_ **

_"Yeah, I'm just--alling to let you kno--that I saw my neighbor's door--pen. It looked broken."_

Spencer jerked awake, his eyes snapping open in alarm as he tried to tug his arms to his chest. Immediately, the events of the previous night ( _was_ it the last night? How long had it been since he'd been knocked unconscious?) flying to the forefront of his mind as his breaths began to quicken. 

He'd gotten off a call with Morgan about. . . About. . . What had they been talking about? Panic flooded through Reid's veins at the horrifying realization that he'd forgotten. And then he felt the dried blood on the side of his temple, and remembered he'd been hit, and calmed down. He'd likely remember soon. 

He got off a call with Morgan, he put his gun away in his safe, and then he heard the door being broken open. He'd been in his room, right? Why didn't he get his gun back out? 

No, no, he'd been in the bathroom, could still feel the leftover flavor of his mint toothpaste on his teeth as he ran his tongue over them. The door broke open, and he couldn't call for help because his phone was on the kitchen counter. 

He tried to fight him. Why did he try to fight him? There was no way he would've won, but he'd had a reason. There was some sort of plan, he'd known it, but now, it escaped his grasp. 

Next was a sharp pain in his leg, a pocket knife jaggedly slashing across the limb and staining his carpet with crimson. He remembered having the fleeting thought that he didn't want to use crutches again as he'd been fighting with all his power. 

Then there was the hard hit against the side of his head with something solid (what had it been?) and darkness. There were a few brief moments of chopped up consciousness, all of which were in the backseat of a truck while his captor was on the phone with the police, reporting his own _fucking_ crime. 

And now, here. Reid was lying on a hard surface, cold bleeding through the layers of his clothes and wracking him with shudders. It only took a few seconds for the genius to realize what hard surface he was laying on. An embalming table. Had the man that had taken him been a morgue worker? 

A quick survey of the restraints on his wrists and ankles, though, had him rethinking that it was just a normal embalming table, metal digging into his skin hard enough to bruise and even draw blood in some places. Even with his awkward, lanky frame, he somehow fit perfectly on the table. 

As Spencer began to take in his surroundings, the cold, dark looking stone walls and floor, the wooden steps to his side leading up to a door covered in locks, and the worktable that was just in his peripheral vision, he hoped this was just a random kidnapping. He hoped he wasn't targeted on purpose, because that made his chances so much worse. 

And then he saw the pictures on the wall. The first few were random people, young men with dark hair that didn't really look like him. The last dozen he saw were all of him. On cases, with the team, at home. Horror sunk into Spencer's bones, flashbacks of Georgia already creeping into his mind at the thought of being held against his will _again_ , tied up _again_ , hurt _again_. 

This wouldn't be like that, though. That, he was sure of. Tobias had never wanted to hurt him, but this man? This man did. A sickening feeling filled Spencer Reid, and the locks on the door began to click open.

* * *

"JJ?"

The blonde's head snapped up, her eyes blinking rapidly as she tried to rid herself of the bone aching exhaustion that was clearly displayed on her face. Hotch stood in front of her, a deep frown on his face as he examined her. In any other situation, she might've snapped at him to not profile her, to just _ask_ her what he wanted to know, but frankly, she didn't have the energy. 

"I know I'm not supposed to be working, Hotch. I don't care about getting paid. Just let me do this," JJ said, her voice borderline pleading. His frown deepened even further, if that was possible. 

"JJ, you've been awake for three days. Even if we did have any leads, you'd only be a liability in the field, and you know it."

She wanted to be angry at him for his words, she wanted to argue or yell, or cry, but she just. . . couldn't. "Do you think he's resting? Do you think he gets to worry about sleep?" JJ asked, not trying to make it a dig, but it came out as one. 

For a moment, something like hurt flashed on Hotch's face, but he quickly covered it up. "JJ," he said, voice firm. Her face fell, and she ran her hand over her drooping eyes and deep frown. 

"I'm sorry. Hotch, I'm sorry. It's just. . . It's been almost a week. Almost a week and he's still gone, and we have no leads. It's worse than Hankel because at least we knew who had him, at least we had _something_ ," her voice broke at the last word, and she had to drop her gaze to the desk to keep him from seeing her tears.

JJ startled as a hand dropped into her shoulder, and she looked up, finding Hotch watching her, his eyes sadder than they'd been before. With a trembling smile, she brought her hand up to grasp her boss's. Finally, she nodded, and a tear streaked down her cheek. "A day. A day off, and then I'm coming back, okay?"

Hotch merely nodded, and only dropped his hand away as she stood up, sluggishly shrugging her bag onto her shoulder. Before she left, she stopped at the doors to the bullpen, glancing back at her boss, who hadn't moved from his spot standing at her desk. "Hotch?" She called, unsure.

"Yeah?"

"You haven't slept at all."

"I know," he said. She could've called him a hypocrite, could've done any assortment of things, but she didn't. Instead, with tired eyes and an aching heart, she went home to her husband and son. 

Hotch went back to his office, and he didn't sleep because Spencer wasn't sleeping. 

He still had hope. They'd find him.

 _Right_?


End file.
